The Girl I Never Liked... But Somehow Did...

When I(15M) first stepped into 9th class, I wasn’t expecting much — actually, I was expecting the worst. After everything that happened in 8th, I just assumed this year would be the same — just another year of getting bullied, feeling out of place, and counting down the days till it was over.

I wasn’t thinking about friends, fun, or even girls. I just wanted to get through it.

That’s when I first noticed her.

She wasn’t the kind of girl that’d make you stop and stare. Honestly, I didn’t even find her attractive at first — but still... she was the best-looking girl in the class.

I never admitted to myself that I liked her. Not once.

But somehow, I always ended up watching her.

She was the class monitor, always up in front — writing the teacher’s diary, erasing the blackboard, or handling some random task. Maybe that’s why I kept noticing her… or maybe, deep down, it was something else.

For 10 months, that’s all it was — just random glances, nothing more.

But then… in those last two months, something shifted. I don’t know what triggered it, but suddenly, I cared. A lot. I’d catch myself hoping to make eye contact with her or doing dumb things just to get her attention — things I didn’t even realize I was doing.

It wasn’t love. At least, that’s what I told myself. It felt like my heart was drawn to her, but my brain wasn’t convinced. A part of me kept saying, No, you don’t like her. But another part? It wanted her to notice me.

I’d daydream about random things — like her walking up to me on Valentine’s Day and confessing her feelings. I'd imagine her sneaking a letter into my bag or whispering something to me after class. Even my dreams weren’t safe — she’d just show up there too, like my mind refused to leave her alone.

At the same time, I kept searching for reasons not to like her. I’d remind myself that I already had a crush — the one I’ve been trying to find for years. But those thoughts didn’t stop her from sneaking into my head. Slowly, that part of me that didn’t like her started fading away.

I thought about proposing once — but I knew better. I knew I’d regret it, so I never did.

We barely had any moments — just five or six eye contacts the whole year. One of them still sticks with me.

I was walking back from the library with my friends. We were laughing, joking around, just being idiots. I turned back to see who was behind us, still laughing at whatever dumb joke we’d cracked... and there she was.

Our eyes met — half a second, maybe less. But then she smiled — not one of those fake, polite smiles... something softer. Like she thought we were laughing at her and didn’t know what else to do. She looked down right after, like she wanted to disappear.

For some reason, that smile stayed with me.

For those last two months, I started going to school just to see her. Not to talk — just to know she was there.

But then the last day came. No confessions, no moments straight out of a movie — just silence. The day ended, and that was it.

Our exams ended yesterday. My feelings? Gone. Just like that. But I don’t know if it’s for good... or if they’ll come rushing back if I see her again.

I liked her personality — the way she was playful, childish, and light-hearted. The way she’d always hold hands with her friend while walking, like she trusted her with everything.

Maybe that’s why I cared. Maybe that’s why I wanted her to notice me.

I don’t know if this was love, a phase, or just my mind playing tricks on me. But whatever it was... for those last few months, it felt real.