A conflict of my feelings that am not proud of, correct me if I am wrong.

I know this might sound contradictory, but here goes—I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I proudly identify as a feminist. I’ve spent years advocating for equality, fighting against injustice, and striving to create a world where women are respected, heard, and valued. Yet, in an oddly conflicting way, I’ve realized something about myself that’s difficult to reconcile with the feminist beliefs I hold dear.

There’s a part of me, a deep part that I didn’t fully understand until recently, that actually finds certain aspects of misogyny… oddly intriguing. Now, I’m not talking about real-world, harmful misogyny—it’s the dark, taboo fantasies, the ones that lurk in the back of my mind, the ones that get triggered by stories or certain power dynamics. I’m not saying I want to be mistreated, but there’s something about the idea of being controlled, dominated, or challenged by those who hold power that stirs something inside of me.

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this. I love being in charge of my life, making my own choices, and fighting for my rights. But there’s this layer to my sexuality, a little voice that craves surrender, that finds an allure in submission, even if it contradicts everything I stand for. I guess it’s the complexity of being both powerful and vulnerable at the same time. In a sense, it’s as if my feminist mindset coexists with a side of me that enjoys exploring the boundaries between control and freedom in a safe, consensual way.

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way or if I’m just alone in this conflicting space. But I wanted to share it—because, sometimes, the things we think are opposite can coexist within us. And maybe there’s no harm in accepting the full range of desires that live inside. It’s a paradox, but it’s mine to own.