I mostly just wanna say some stuff out loud. To get it off my chest, you know.

This seemed like an OK place to get something out. I had a hard morning, and by that, I mean, I accidentally got locked on my couch when I had lots of big plans for how I was supposed to spend my one day. Plans like picking up my clothes and going outside. Getting trapped like that isn’t terribly unusual, but it’s had a longer run time than I desire, and I think my inability to move is connected to some depression that I’m pretending I’m not noticing. I finally made it outside of my house but not without effort. I wanted to read the book I have been working on for over a month now…and I can’t read because nothing will hold my attention. So now I’m talking to the internet. Adderall doesn’t seem to work anymore. I was on the extended release, but I’ve been avoiding taking it due to now I just don’t sleep if I take it. So I’m out here raw dogging Life and I don’t ask for help because when I do, nobody can actually help me. People always just wanna tell me what I should “just“ do… As if I hadn’t considered those things. As if I wasn’t me every fucking day of my life. I’ve been falling apart. There are actually a lot of circumstances that put me here, but I would feel, at the very least, I should be allowed to control the things that technically I should be able to control except that I can’t.  I need help. I’m really mad at me for being… I’m mad because I’m not the thing that I feel I can be/should be/am… which is not super fair. Thank you for taking a moment to read my emotional outburst.